'You're too idealistic,' a friend tells me . I say thank you because to me 'idealistic' is an admirable quality. I would like more deeply considered idealism in our world.
What my friend probably meant was that I'm a dreamer with unrealistic expectations, too optimistic. Yes, I'm that too.
I am a dreamer and an optimist. For me, the glass is not half full, it is almost overflowing, because I have gone through enough dark times to have learned that every misfortune, every sorrow contains a blessing and will pass.
And now, when the world seems to be rushing towards total chaos and despair, I choose to believe that goodness and sanity will prevail. I believe that we will, if we choose to, come ever closer to living the ideals of brotherhood, tolerance, peace and love.
Unrealistic expectations? Why not? Edgar Cayce the American psychic said, 'Expect the very best'. That's what being idealistic is: not expecting to achieve the very best (which I know from experience can lead to despair) but believing that it is worth striving for.
Yes, there are those, a great many of them who follow other ideals, ideals of power over others, of wealth; people who believe that they are superior to others, more worthy, entitled to destroy others for their own benefit. And there are a great many who believe them and their tales of fear, hate and conflict.
Which is why consciously choosing our ideals, clearly stating to ourselves the very best that we choose to believe in, hope for, aim towards, is so absolutely necessary. If you don't make a clear, certain choice of ideals, you will be drawn or pulled into the attitudes and values of others.
To not set and clarify to yourself, at least, your ideals is to be a leaf tossed about by whatever wind blows.
So what are ideals?
They are not goals. Goals are achievable, finite; ideals are not. There is no point at which we can say of an ideal, 'I have this, and it is done'. Peace, for instance, is never 'done', nor is Love, for they are not finite. Even when we are at peace, even when we love, we must continue to maintain, protect, nourish that peace, that love, against the forces (inner and outer) that work against it.
Ideals are those ideas and values by which we unconsciously or consciously assess ourselves and our lives (which is why we must continually reflect on them).
Why must we clarify them?
Because from our earliest years, we have been conditioned by parents, those around us, schooling, friends, society to think, perceive and behave in certain ways. Even when we think we're being rebellious, we tend to do so in conditioned ways.
Over two thousand years ago, the Greek philosopher, Socrates, urged others to recognise their conditioning and to think for themselves. Some listened and chose to take responsibility for their decisions, to live according to principles they truly valued. Most did not. Because self-knowing, and being true to one's Inner Self is not easy.
Reflecting on our beliefs and values, stripping away the many layers of conditioning and 'false self' that have accreted over the years, and letting essential self, spirit, speak to us, through us, that is hard work, a lifetime's work, and most just can't be bothered.
Yet it is worth all the effort, for our highest ideals are soul's call to our unique path. Clearly thought out, reflected-on, deeply felt positive ideals give us solid, reliable, clear ground on which to build a truly authentic life. Without clear ideals anchored firmly in heart, we live in perpetual confusion, uncertain which direction to go, when to say yes or no, or what we are, or are not available for.
I know what that feels like, for until I chose what fundamental principles I wanted to live by, I continually felt on shaky ground, a house with no foundation. No matter how much I learned or understood, or thought I did, I felt unable to trust myself or to trust life itself. It was really a terrible way to live.
Most live that way. You can see it in their inability to be content, their cynicism, bitterness, endless dissatisfaction, confusion, their sense of hopelessness, which, as Dr Hans Selye discovered in his momentous study of Hopelessness, can lead to despair, extreme apathy or violence against self or others.
A university teacher I know stood at the door after every class and as the young students who were preparing to become teachers passed, he would tell them to forget all about making a difference in the world, that it was useless because the kids wouldn't care, and the world didn't. I was so irked that I got out as fast as I could, and never spoke to him. Then one day, something in his words and voice caught my attention, a kind of anguish, of despair, and suddenly I understood. Next time I passed, I spontaneously stopped and said, 'You must be very idealistic.' He was taken aback. 'Why?' 'Only a person who is deeply idealistic can be so profoundly disillusioned' I said.
Here was a man who had ideals, but lacked either the fortitude or the integrity to live by them, and so felt utterly betrayed. To choose an ideal is to make a commitment, not to achieve that ideal (which is highly unlikely), but to continually strive towards it, no matter how far or often you fall away.
Our highest ideals, noble ideals, are spiritual principles towards which the essential self, Being, constantly draws us. Like guiding stars, they are always there, just out of reach, urging us forward. We sailors on the cosmic sea can set our course by them, and find our path by them even in storms or in the dark.
Image by Chinese artist, Jiang Li