Most times that I talk to others about gratitude, I get complete agreement. ‘Yes’, they say. ‘Every day, I tell myself what I am grateful for. I do it to attract the things I want into my life’.
But others say, sadly: ‘Yet nothing changes. It’s becoming more difficult to feel grateful when I’m still stuck in my same old life’.
I understand. I have said the very same thing.
I told myself that if I thought positive thoughts and gratitude, goodness would flow into my life, but no matter how hard I tried to appreciate my life, nothing changed.
On the contrary. I felt like even more of a failure because I couldn’t get positive thinking to work for me.
Then something happened one day that made me realise that beneath all these positive intentions, beneath all the gratitude that I was cultivating, I still harboured deep seated negativity: fear, anger, guilt and self-doubt. You name it; it was there.
And when I looked these emotions squarely in the face, I realised that they were huge. A lifetime of pushing things into the background had created dark forces in my secret mind that had been left to flourish and grow.
It took a while to think my way through this momentous discovery, but when I did, I finally arrived at some basic truths:
Insight #1: You cannot put positive thoughts and feelings into a mind that is filled with a lifetime of negativity. You can try, but they’ll just sit there on the surface to be blown away when bad things happen.
That’s what Jesus meant when he said, you can’t put new wine into old wineskins. This is one of the basic meanings of ‘purification’. Not to wash your body of old dirt, or to stop thinking of sex (though they can be good too), but to clear your mind of old fear, doubt and negativity to make room for a new way of thinking about yourself and the world.
Insight #2: It takes effort to change your thinking. It’s not enough to just want it, or convince yourself. Wishful thinking is still just wishful thinking. It takes effort to replace old mental patterns and re-train your mind into new, more beneficial patterns. It also takes patience and the willingness to trust that you can succeed, and a degree of self-discipline.
Insight #3: Cosmic Consciousness has your back. When you set your clear intention, put in the effort, do the work, and persist, the universe will support you.
It’s like the parable of the leavened bread. Your persistent effort is the leaven or yeast that will soon set off a chain reaction that causes the whole mass of dough to rise and make light bread. You do the work, and God or the Cosmic Forces will lean in and carry you the rest of the way.
So, does gratitude work? Yes it does. You have to make it your fundamental attitude to life. Start liking yourself, Be your own best friend. Learn to accept what is, and if you don’t like it, instead of criticising, complaining and blaming, do what you can to change it or change your attitude.
I found Dr. Theodore Rubin’s book, ‘Compassion and Self Hate' to be enormously helpful. I loaned the other book, 'Overcoming Negative Feeling: a way out of poor self-esteem, guilt, anger, fear and tiredness,'by Vijayadev Yogendra, to someone who never returned it. Guess they really needed it!